Tuesday, June 13, 2006

What I did on Monday

For June 12, 2006 on my Yahoo Calendar it reads" Going to Mystic, Yes We Are!!!!" Capt is the only one, besides me, that can get into my calendar, even though he hardly ever reads it.

Because my son, Dave (gotta love that kid) gave me Velerian Root on Saturday to assist me with my resent insomnia issue, I wasn't able to go to Connecticut until Sunday evening, 10:30 PM. That stuff made me feel like I was on acid....but I've never tried acid, really....but I slept until 2:30pm Sunday afternoon.

Capt wouldn't tell me where we were going on Monday, he's like that, he says I bring it on myself cause I'm so easy to frustrate. I say he's just a big pain in the ass! So after this conversation in the morning:

(BTW- I need a few sips of Pepsi with ice every morning to wake up.)

Me: You don't have any Pepsi for me.....whaaaaaaa
Him: I forgot, I have to drive the kids to school now, see you in a bit.
Me: (after taking a shower and seeing him walk through the front door) Hi Hon, did you get any Pepsi?
Him: No, I thought you were going to get some....blah....blah...blah (something about me telling him I was going to work out at Curves while he was out...whatever....I decided not to go, but hmmmpf he should have realized that)
Me: (grabbing my keys) See ya in a bit, I'm going to get me some Pepsi because obviously you don't care about me!
Him: Just wait a minute, I'll go get you some.

waiting, waiting, waiting....starting to get a headache from lack of caffeine, waiting, waiting, watching him on his laptop doing something not important, I'm sure, waiting, waiting......

Him: (after noticing I'm about to shoot laserbeams out of my eyeballs piercing his right off of his pretty face) Let's go, I don't want to get divorced before we're even married.
Me: Where are we going?
Him: I'm not telling you.
Me: Then I'm going to fill your car with everything I have with me. (Then I bring my suitcase, tote, all 29 pairs of shoes, the clothes I have kept at this house, the winter coats in my car and stuff them in the back of his car.)

We then stop at 7-11 for Pepsi.

Me: (as I'm opening my door) Hon, do you want me to pick you up anything while I'm in there?
Him: No
Me: Good, cause I wasn't going to get it for you anyway. (Then I close (slam) the door and start walking)
Him: (loud enough for the whole parking lot to hear) BITCH!!!!

Then one of the local mothers walks by and hears him calling me a bitch.....lov-o-ly.
I get back in the car with my Pepsi.
Me: So, where are we going?
Him: Into the woods so I can chop you up to pieces like your secretary said I would. (She was just looking out for me because we met over the internet...she actually looked up his name, address and google satelite searched his neighborhood....then told me that he could possibly be an axe murderer and will chop me up in little pieces and put me in his freezer and no one would know because he lives in the boondocks)
Me: (Grabbing the tiny pocketknife he keeps in the console of his car) Oh no, now you can't chop me up, I have your knife.
Him: keep it, the big knife is in the trunk with the garbage bag and shovel.

Then I just kept quiet, very, very quiet.

But we went to Mystic.

I wanted to go because it is where we went on our first date over a year ago. We had planned an anniversary trip there a few months back, but I sprained my ankle and couldn't walk around.

And we did have a good time.

And, more importantly, I'm still alive and kicking!

This is me, don't I look just like Julia Robert's? (Get it? This is where Mystic Pizza was filmed)


Looney Mom said...

I'm really working on taming my inner B$%!*, but it is really hard. You totally sounded like me. I would have been pouting all the way, then when we got there I would have gotten a silly grin...

Women... who can figure us out?

theresa said...


You're so right. Capt and I were just kidding around the whole time, my post makes that clear, right?

I really can be annoying though....especially as I get into my older years.....

MugwumpMom said...

Actually Theresa, I was getting ready to call a help hot line for you!! OK...I'm joking!! Your post had me rolling, so if it wasn't all kidding between you and Capt, then I need serious help. You know...no one but God has us women figured out. Maybe that's why we respond to Him better than we do to our own men. And one final thought....call me stupid, but I didn't know Mystic really existed!! I love that movie.

Shayne said...

Julia Roberts better look out! Here comes the YEWNORKBABE! Or should we say B$@#*!

(You know us Pentecostals don't really cuss....we just spell it out. That way it's not really a sin) lol.

Great post! Keep 'em coming.

michele said...

I saw your comment on the Blogging Chicks Metablog. If you are interested in joining, email me your url.

Monica said...

Too much like me, you are young Skywalker. Why do people get such joy driving people like us insane by pick, pick, picking at us as if Alfred Hitcock was still auditioning for birds? And if two movie refernces wasn't enough for you, yes, I got Mystic Pizza. LOL!