Wednesday, June 07, 2006

I'M AN IDIOT FOR EVER GOING WITH THAT TRAMP

Last night my former husband called and somehow got me to listen to him rant for 2 hours.

Now don’t get me wrong, I love the fact that after he left me for another woman, went on a 2 year drug, alcohol, porn and gambling binge....he wants me back. Oh, did I mention that we used to be leaders in our church (how embarrassing is that?) and I still go there and feel like crap because I don’t fit in anymore, not with the marrieds, the singles or the leaders and it’s been 4 years?

Anyway, he thinks he wants me back, but we know that that will never happen. Just listening to him makes my skin crawl. Yes, I have forgiven him, addictions are insane and addicts are a different breed of humans. And I totally understand addictions since I was forced to attend alanon meetings (8 per week) in order to survive the last 2 years of our marriage. It was a great experience though, I went through the 12 steps and learned how to "detatch with love" and, more importantly, take inventory of who I really am and why.

I went through hell and back and now I like who I’ve become through it all. God was with me and so was Joyce Meyer ( every morning ). And so were my therapist, my sister Min and my friends ...the single ones anyway (especially Jerrr). I guess the married ones thought they would catch a disease or something if they talked to me. I just want to say here that going through a divorce where there is a great deal of betrayal is, dare I say, worse than having your spouse die. Add to that the fact that absolutely no one knocks on your door and says, "I’m sorry for your loss, here’s a casserole".

The thing that I really love is that last night he kept saying, "I was such an idiot for ever going with that tramp". I could just replay that line over and over again in my head. And I think I will, "I was such an idiot for ever going with that tramp" Aaaaaaahhhhhh. Hey don't get me wrong, I forgive her too, I just like hearing HIM call her a tramp and himself an idiot.

Oh, I can be so petty sometimes.

6 comments:

TheWriteJerry said...

Hey, I still hang with you even though I'm married now! Well, ok, we've both been so super-busy and haven't spent loads of time hanging out, but we do keep in close contact via the web.

theresa said...

That's true. But really, I need to get into another church where no one knows my "sorted" past.

Looney Mom said...

Oh Theresa, I missed you. I'll start packing right away!! Heck I wish. I'm so tired of living in this tuna can... oh well.

I know I'll have a huge mansion someday -- when I go HOME!!! That's more than enough for me.

As far as the "tramp" - I wish I could high-five ya, but I was on the other side of that situation. But I do understand the sentiment... it's called being human. ;)

MugwumpMom said...

You know, I thank you for this post. It never occurred to me that married friends gets weirded out by other people's splits, and might stop being friends. Wow, like, if that isn't adding salt to the wound! That must have hurt. And like you said...you're a better person for it, and that you can celebrate!!

Bunnymama said...

I'm sorry. Did you say you listened to him for TWO HOURS. Haven't you learned anything????????

I do SOOOOO know what you mean. Remind me someday to tell you what happened at one of Joe's Memorial day parties after my breakup. Cooties or something

Monica said...

Makes sense to me. A divorced friend of mine does liken it to death but I can imagine I would think it's worse than death too. I'm just sorry it had to come between you and your church. But you know what? That may say something. Maybe it's time for a new church home if for some reason they didn't go out of their way to show you the love you need. Not that that would be an easy thing to do. Oh well, you got something we all long for - the opportunity to be there when it came full circle. Glad you've got a real love to confirm all the more for you that that one shouldn't come back in your life. Sigh. Men.