I Expect Thank You Notes

On Saturday I went to my boss' beach party. The invitation promised loads of water activities on The Great South Bay. Waterskiing, Kayacking, jetskiing...activities that obviously require a bathingsuit. However, I selflessly decided not to bring or wear my bathingsuit. The reason being (and so you know, I gave this a lot of thought before I left my house for the party) there were a lot of married couples going to this party, married couples as in "husbands and wives". I'm a single, sexy (only in my own mind), mid40ish kinda babe. What I was thinking was: "If the husbands at the party got a glimpse of my awesome, clantily-scad, slim bod, there, without a doubt in my mind, would be major problems in their respective marriages.

Did I ever mention that I am clairvoyant? Not only is it a personal benefit, I'm convince it is a job requirement where I work.

Anyhoo, as I sat in my bedroom pondering what to wear to this soiree, I saw a vision if you will.....husbands leaving their wive's sides, running in slow motion towards me, wive's crying, "Honey, no come back to me", I am surrounded by these drooling men begging to marry me right there and then on the hot sun filled beach. They can't keep their eyes off of me, they all must have me, their wives in total devastation.

Then the vision ends and I ponder, "I can't be the cause of all those marriages breaking up, it wouldn't be Christian-like. Moreover, I'd be the one having to do all the work since I am the top matrimonial paralegal on Long Island (again, only in my own mind) thankyouverymuch. And I already have more than enough work to do.

So I unselfishly donned a respectable outfit and left for the party. But I swear I left after I caught a married man undressing me with his eyes. Or maybe he was looking at the barbeque sauce I spilled on the crotch of my white shorts, I'm not too sure, either way I left.

I expect the thank you notes from the wives will be flooding in shortly.

*Those of you who have never seen me or a picture of me - I'm just a plain old, mid-aged slightly overweight, broad. But in my mind.....watch out!

Flexibility

I got some great comments about me at my gym today.

The ladies were all commenting how flexible I am (I stretch a lot after my workout). It made me feel good, like it was a compliment or something.

It's just a damn shame that I can't use that skill to make money and get out of the legal profession.

That's all.

Thirteen Thursday

13 reasons why I don't hate my boyfriend Capt:

1. He loves his children more than anything.

2. I like the way I feel like I am with him. I don't have to walk on eggshells or pretend I like something when I don't. He likes me the way I am. I can be myself, tell him anything, do anything, be all emotional and he still supports me and shows me that he's there for me.

3. He doesn't make me go to Chuck E. Cheese with him and his children because he knows that I'd rather stab my eyeballs with an ice pick than go in there with that large rodent (an ugly rat, no less), blinky lights, loud noises.....(I'm getting cold sweats just writing this).

4. He listens to me and my suggestions and, if appropriate, he makes positive changes.

5. He's so hot. Really.

6. He has goals and I've seen him reach many of them, to me that is successful man.

7. He's not a nerd or a geek, even though he knows everything about electronic stuff. And he can carry an intelligent conversation with me.....imagine that!

8. I miss him when we are not together. It's been a long time since I experienced that. But I don't feel like I have to be near him all the time. Although he lives 2.5 miles away, we have a close relationship.

9. He is very kind to his former wife and her boyfriend. That's a lot better than dating someone who has an acrimonious relationship with their co-parenting partner.

10. He doesn't make me go to Chuck E. Cheese with him and his children because he knows that I'd rather stab my eyeballs with an ice pick than go in there with that large rodent (an ugly rat, no less), blinky lights, loud noises.....(I'm getting cold sweats just writing this).

11. He drops everything to help a friend or family.

12. Even though he constantly worries about his son's ADHD, he only rarely shows it. He just trudges on with life and makes his children's lives as normal as possible.

13. And......He reads my blog and teases me about it being the only way he gets to know what's going on in my life.

Wordless Wednesday

A view of the lake from the pool at my parent's South Carolina condo.

A New Side of Me

It’s almost 10pm and I’m still wide awake, that’s not good....I’m a morning person and no matter what time I go to sleep, I always wake up very early....usually at 5am.

Even though I’m all excited about the vacation I just got back from, I’m not going to post about it yet. I kinda erased the pics, by accident, and would have loved for ya’ll to see some of the wonderful places I got to see last week. Maybe for your sake, that’s a good thing.

As I lay here in bed all I can think of are the people I’d love to head-butt right now. I’m not usually a “head-butting”- type chick, I’m more of a “sees the good side of everything”-type chick, so I’d like to explore this new found side of me a bit.

Hmmmmm, let’s see.....I’d like to head-butt:

-The bum that stands on the corner where I live because he’s just faking it. He owns a nice house, a car and has a dog...I’ve seen it. He just stands there looking sad, scratching his dirty hair and holds a sign saying “homeless, hungry, broke, looking for work”. That’s just a lot of bull. I know he uses the $500 or so he gets each day for crack and prostitutes. On second thought, ewwwww, I’d rather hire someone to head-butt him for me.

-The kid that rented the apartment in my house last year and still owes me two months rent.

-The doctor who gave me the wrong medication in the emergency room three years ago and caused me to have seizures and a heart attack. I still have short term memory problems from that. And I’m only now starting to remember how bad my memory really is because my boyfriend is the first person since then that has been close enough to me to experience it.

-The campus cop who gave me a ticket for pulling him over when I was lost at my son’s college. I was lost in a dark, dirt road parking lot and I saw the police car near the entrance, so I drove out the entrance to reach him before he passed by and he gave me a ticket. Stupid me paid it because technically I did break the law, but I didn’t realize that it was a moving violation and that my car insurance would increase.

That’s about it.

Is there anyone out there that would like to play along? Who would you like to “head-butt”?

I have to retire, NOW

I want to retire....NOW, like in RIGHT THIS VERY SECOND!!!!

I'm in South Carolina visiting my parents who are retired. I flew in last night. This morning Mom and I took a 3 mile walk down Myrtle Beach. When we came back Dad had a BIG catastrophe....red ants are coming into the screened in porch in the back. Oh My Goodness! "Rose, QUICK, where's the RAID?"

Mom quickly calls the maintenance department of the complex and Dad grabs the keys and announces that he's going to "The Pig" (which I'm not sure but I think might be short for a supermarket). Just as his car pulls away the maintenance man shows up with the pest spray canister and he locates the hill (which with his accent I thought he said heel) and sprays away. Then he explains that since the grass is getting overly watered, the ants are looking for higher, dryer land, hence the minor ant problem.

Next Dad comes back with Raid and starts to spray, even though we tell him the mainteance guy already did the job. The Raid long spray tube thing that attaches is broken! Oh My Goodness, "Rose, its broken, we have to go get a new one!!" Out they go as if they were evacuating for a hurricane or something.

I stay behind and take in a quick nap (hey, all this excitement is killing me.)

They came back, sprayed the dead ants with the new RAID over and over again and now things are all back to normal....well, as normal as they can be around these two.

So, I've decided that I want to retire right now because OMG, if this could be my only problem to deal with, I'm all over that.

And why do old people keep their homes ice cold? I've got a sweater on and am sitting on the couch with a blanket. And Dad asks me if I'd for him to turn the AC up before they leave. (???)

We're going out to dinner tonight..4:30pm sharp, I can't wait.

Why PookieBear Loves Her Connecticut Town

Hi this is PookieBear, Theresa's boyfriend's 10 year old daughter. I'm taking over Theresa's blog today and I'm gonna tell you some of the gazillion reasons why I love where I live so much:

1:It's a small town so everybody knows each other.

2:Everybody waves to everybody.

3:Our school is one of the best in Connecticut.

4:All the kids that go to my school play sports in fact I have never met a kid in my town who doesn't play a sport.

5:We have our own sports group called M.Y.A.L and my dad does a lot of the basketball.

6:All my friends live near me and we know where everybody lives and we know where every street is.

Hi everyone, this is Theresa. It's been a great vacation with Capt and his kids. Very busy and action-packed. Right now I'm making the kids breakfast and getting them ready for crazy hair day at VBS. Capt was up all night because there was a thunderstorm and the kids were up and down all night. I, as usual, was oblivious and had a great night sleep.

I'm so excited that Liz is redesigning my blog....it will be here very soon. Thanks Liz!!!!!

Please make sure you comment today, even if it's just to say "Hey" PookieBear is hoping for lots of comments.....thanks. Have an awesome day!

Random Vacation Thoughts

I'm having a great vacation here in CT. Lot's of stuff to do. We went to Gillette Castle yesterday and learned a lot about him and his life. Then we took a ferry across the Connecticut River. I took lots of pictures, but forgot the cable that uploads them on to my laptop.

Today we took Em to Bridgeport to meet her mom so she could take the ferry back to Long Island. She had a blast.

Vacation Bible School is a big hit. Boy and PookieBear had a great time and can't wait to go back tomorrow. I'm glad that they are learning more about Christ. Boy asks me to pray with him at night. We always pray that his mind gets clearer and focused and that he dreams with Jesus. I was apprehensive about watching him by myself because of his anxiety, but it is working out wonderfully. I'm loving this.

My daughter Jen called me this morning. She was looking at condos to buy all weekend and finally realized why I am getting so stressed out about having our house in showroom condition everyday. She is finally seeing how a home must be presented to a potential buyer in order for them to see their own stuff in it. Now she gets why I go ballistic every time she leaves a glass, plate, towel, etc in her room. So she apologized and told me that she is working on chalking her shower and getting her room more presentable. Let's see how that plays out.

PookieBear wants to do a post here tomorrow, so everyone leave a comment for her so she can see how much fun this is...thanks!

It's bedtime here so I have to go. Hope you are all enjoying this week too.

Thirteen Thursday Meme

Thirteen Things I Don't Understand

1. How to anything on this blog but post.
2. Why God created mosquitos.
3. Why people enjoy bowling.
4. Why a football is called a ball when it is shaped nothing like a ball.
5. How to tie those special knots that sailors and firefighters know how to do. But I really want to learn.
6. How to get my children to move out of my house.
7. The big deal about reality shows.
8. Why clients ask "What If" questions to me all day long when it is so obvious that I want to hit them upside their heads every time they ask me "What If".
9. Why my clients think its perfectly okay to just walk into my office without an appointment and expect me to stop whatever I'm doing to answer their "what if" questions.
10. Why people put so much faith into their Pastors when they really are just faulted humans like us.
11. Why spouses cheat instead of working out issues within their marriage.
12. Why I can't sell my house even though it's been on the market since April.
13. Why jelly doughnuts are so bad for you when they taste sooooo good.

Oh Yeah, I Saw the Movie and Read the Book

I went to see "The Devil Wears Prada" after work last night and it was good. I'm so glad I read the book first.

As soon as I got home, after calling Capt of course, I finished reading "Water for Elephants" by Sara Gruen. That is an amazing novel....surprising, funny and poignant. I cried. But I'm not sure if I cried because of the amazing way the story ended or because of the fact that I never had any grandparents while growing up. They all died rather quickly before I was 5, so I only have a few memories of them. The book is about an elderly (93 year old) man reminising about how and why he joined a traveling circus in his 20's. I've never had anyone in my life that was elderly and full of interesting memories, and if I did, I would cherish him/her.

Well,next week I start vacation and I plan on reading more bestsellers. I'm starting off by going to Capt's house to take care of his children while he takes a course all day Saturday. Em, my neice is coming with me. On Monday, Vacation Bible School starts out by him, so I signed Em up and I will be helping out after VBS.

PookieBear wants to learn how to cook during that time. When I asked her exactly what she wanted to start with he asked me to show her how to make Tuna Helper....ugh! PookieBear and Boy are picky eaters, I'm not used to that. They both love canned ravioli and spaghetti-os yet eat lots of healthy stuff too. Maybe I'll teach her how to make sloppy joe's from scratch. Maybe she will get excited about doing a little gourment cooking as well. Hey, I can dream, can't I? I love gourmet cooking....it's very relaxing to me.

Then on Thursday I have a flight to SC to visit Mom and Dad. I can't wait to see how much Mom has improved. I leave them on Sunday.

But in order for me to take the week off, I have to work twice as hard as usual to get everything done. That means getting to work early and leaving late, no lunch breaks and more stress. I need to get out of this line of work. Really.

Summer Reading Program

One thing that I just love about the summer is a good summer reader. And that's what I've been busy doing during my free time.

I guess it started when my mom used to sign me up every summer at the local library for the Summer Reading Program. I would escape into a book everyday leaving behind the abnormal childhood that constantly loomed over me. Getting awards for reading the most books made me feel acknowledged, like I actually existed. Hmmmm, maybe that's where I began my life long obsession with competitiveness.

Anyway, I've wanted to read "The Devil Wears Prada" for the past few years, but never got around to it until recently when I saw that the movie came out. So naturally, I was forced to read the book because don't you just hate it when you see a movie first that was made from a book and then you read the book?. It's never the same because the characters you imagine in your mind are preconceived.

The book was great though, now I will go see the movie....maybe tonight. I’m sure Meryl Streep will be amazing.

After I finished "The Devil Wears Prada" on Sunday, I began reading "Water for Elephants". I am enthralled! This book has everything I love in a book. I have 2 more chapters and then it's done. I’m trying to savor them.

So, quick, I need to find some more books for my summer reading fix. Do you have any good ideas?

The Last Story About the Boxers, I Promise

Sorry everyone, I've been so very busy here at work and fighting a speeding ticket...I'll explain later.

It seems like I have lots of explaining to do about the boxer shorts incident.

Well, first, before I hung them up as a 4th of July decoration, I checked and made sure they were free of any holes and skid marks....thanks for asking.

The famous boxers belong to my daughter's boyfriend of 2 years. It seems they were going to the beach last week and he changed into a bathing suit, leaving them in her hamper. She washed them with some towels and that's how I found them in the dryer.

My daughter will be 26 years old next week, if she makes it, because right now I debating whether or not I would be aquitted for murder based on her not letting her dog out this morning before work and not putting him in his kennel which caused lots of pooping and peeing on my livingroom carpet. And, I'm not cleaning it up! (I stopped by my house during my lunch break) A jury of my peers would be sympathetic, I'm sure.

The good news is that (even though she doesn't know this yet) IF I let her live a brand new carpet WILL be installed - at her expense.

The way I figure, I got myself out of a speeding ticket in Connecticut Criminal Court yesterday (I was not going as fast as the officer said I was), why not continue one step further and try a murder charge?

Enjoy your children when they are young, 'nuff said.

Boxers

The mystery is solved.

Those red, white and blue boxer shorts, size XXL, that I found in my dryer and hung outside as a 4th of July decoration belong to my daugher's boyfriend.

He walked into the backyard after everyone left and looked up and saw them hanging there and asked, "What are my underwear doing out here?"

My question to him is: "What are your underwear doing in my dryer?"

Hmmmmm.

4th of July Update

While I was shopping for the party today I decided to jazz it up by getting a kiddy pool for the kiddies.




Then I decorated the backyard a bit. I'm not sure whose boxer briefs these are, all I know is that they came out of the dryer this morning and I thought they would make a great 4th of July decoration!




Then I put up a nylon tent over the patio and presto, chango....we had a great party. I also bought bubbles and candy necklaces for the kids.


Me and my sister made a blueberry/peach cobbler that was yummy.

A fun time was had by all...and you all were right, we made our own fun memories.

Hope you all had as much fun as we did.





Oh yeah, and her new boyfriend is a sweetheart.

Happy 4th of July

Happy 4th of July.

Today I'm having my sister Lynda over with her children and her new boyfriend, whom I haven't met yet. I'm going to have a barbeque....that's about it. Capt and his kids are here. One of these days I'm going to go with them since they spend most of the summer there. I'm just not the rollercoaster-type chick...but the lazy river ride looks like my speed.

The 4th of July used to be so much fun when our older sister lived on Long Island. She used to throw the best parties...she would plan them all year long and put her heart into each little detail.

So, in comparison, my little bbq never seems like a big deal and the only thing I look forward to is seeing my neices and nephews (whom I adore)....and eating blueberry pie.

Mindi and her former husband used to own a house with an inground pool, she'd plan water polo games, water basketball games and stuff like that. My children have the best childhood memories of these parties.

Sometimes Mindi would have whole lobster on the bbq. Each year there would be shrimp, filet mignon, hamburgers, hot dogs, ribs....everyone would bring something too. And there would be about 100 people that would come. A couple of people would bring chili and we would all sample different types of chili. There would be so much great food!

There would be lots of games too. We would sit around in little groups playing board games. The men would play horseshoes or Bocee ball. At night the fireworks would come out. They used to go on and on for hours. No one ever wanted to leave. Mindi would throw the best party ever, everyone looked forward to them.

In comparision, my 4th of July bbq's aren't as exciting. There's no pool at my house, no kid games, no horseshoes. (uggh, I don't even have an umbrella for my picnic table) And I know that we will be sitting around reminising about the best 4th of July parties ever.

Well, I'm on my way to the supermarket now to get some odds and ends to pull off this bbq at 2pm. I know we will have a good time, we always do, but there always is this sadness that looms over us all on the 4th of July, it's a feeling like there's something missing and we all want to find it again.

I want to thank all the people who fought/fight for our country, dedicating your lives so that we can be free.

And I'm wondering what are you all doing to celebrate today?

Today's Dilemma

We went to the racetrack last night to see car racing, Capt, PookieBear, Boy and me. It was thrilling and very, very loud. Capt looked like an interested spectator most of the time but when police car demolition time came around, he was standing up and acting all rednecky....I had more fun watching him during that hour than I had the whole time.

They were visiting me this weekend. PookieBear (10) and I had our nails done at a VIP Nails (She insisted that it’s pronounced Vip instead of V.I.P. Nails, she is so adorable) and I got a full set of Pink and White (which, by the way, makes it difficult to type with), while Capt and Boy went to see a movie.

We had an early dinner and drove out to the Riverhead Raceway. A friend of mine is a racecar driver and he and his wife gave us the royal treatment. Boy got to sit in the race car. Unfortunately my camera battery died and I couldn’t take a picture of the most adorable awestruck little boy I ever saw! His eyes got so big I thought they would easily fall out of their sockets. And how would we have explained that one to his mom?

We were out very, very late.

They went to bed upstairs in my bedroom and I slept downstairs on the couch. But at around midnight they left....I’m not sure why. Boy got dressed and walked outside into his dad’s car and wouldn’t talk to me about it. PookieBear was crying and trying to write a goodbye letter to my children. Capt wasn’t offering much info, so I went upstairs and gave them two of my pillows so the kids could sleep in the car during the 2.5 mile drive home. I was half asleep so that’s all I remember.

Sometimes Boy is difficult to handle. He suffers from ADHD. He has an exceptionally good heart. The combination is baffling at times because he is so sweet and obedient. Maybe all the excitement was too much for him?

Not that I don’t care, but from my experience with Capt and his kids, I’m going to just let it go and wait until Capt is free to call me to explain why they abruptly left. There's no sense in trying to figure it out or obsessing over it (even though my daughter thinks it must be something I did. Hey, I wasn't even up there!)

Now as for me, I have the whole day to myself...and I’m going to enjoy it lounging around on my patio reading a book and napping. My only dilemma today is my folding lounger..... you see, I like to sit up and read, but as I get sleepy from reading I want to just put the book down and nod off, but in order to get the lounger down, I have to get off and fold in back and push it the other way, it ‘s not as much fun as just resting the book on my chest and nodding off, but hey, I’m still in my pajamas and it’s 1pm! How awesome is that? As far as I’m concerned, this is heaven because for today my life is simple and I’m going to enjoy it by vegging out.

update: Capt called, it was Boy's anxiety kicking in, he had to be home so Boy could be in familar surroundings to calm down. Capt sure has a lot to deal with and he does it better than I ever could.