The Scrabble Queen

Last night when my 13 year old step-daughter and I went "grocery" shopping, she told me that she thinks I'm so cool and that she wants to be like me when she grows up.

She also thinks that I'm the biggest nerd ev'.....as she puts it.

Last night while we were driving through a snowstorm to, you know, get some of that delicious Dairy Queen otherwise known as "grocery" shopping, I got a call on my cellphone.

Someone had a Scrabble question and needed the answer right away.

My Scrabble days started 20 years ago when I was dating Todd. He was a Scrabble player extraordinaire and tried to teach me how to play, but I just couldn't get it. He was often frustrated and bored when we played. He threw down tiles that gained him high points and I spelled words like boy and duck, if I was lucky.

Then one day I got an idea.

I went to the local book store and found a book on how to win at Scrabble. I read it that day and learned many valuable strategies to playing a winning game. I also memorized all the two letter words in the English language, a big plus for a Scrabble player.

That night when he offered to play another tedious game of Scrabble with me. I obliged and played like the winner I had read about. (Todd didn't know about the book.)

Imagine his shock when I rack balanced, bonus worded and I used two letter words like 'aa' and 'ae' to attach to other words to maximize my points. I think I scored in the 400's that night.

And I think he turned pale and almost passed out.

One of the things I learned in the book was to use words like 'faqir' that your opponent might not know so he or she would challenge them. Then after a few losing challenges where they skip a turn they stop challenging you and then you can use words that aren't really words and no one is the wiser.

Some call it cheating, I call it strategy. Hey, I learned it from pros who wrote the book.

Needless to say, no one likes to play with me. Except last weekend my sister's boyfriend played with me and got really frustrated at my 'strategy' and quit playing.

But it was my son, David, who finally put it all into perspective for me when he asked, "Mom, would you play flag football with someone who tackles you all the time?"

OKAY, I GET IT NOW!!!!

But still, Pookie thinks it's really cool that I get phone calls about Scrabble. I even think she was more tickled about that than having her poor, exhausted, step-mother drive 38 miles through a snowstorm to get her an ice cream cone.