Every year I have a theme for the year. They usually are simple themes in theory, but complex in nature.
I write them in my bible sometime in December each year.
In 1997 it was Marriage.
In 1998 it was Embrace. This was a image I had while praying one morning as I watched the sunrise on freezing day in December. I saw me as a child being hugged by Jesus. Then I noticed that I was not hugging him back. I felt like my whole life I had been comforted by Christ in times of trouble and that 1998 was the year I was to learn to embrace Him. For me I was a hard lesson.
In 1999 it was Enlarge. Which was painful, as enlarging and stretching out always is.
In 2000 it was Love. And mostly to love myself.
In 2001 it was Wisdom....which proved to be quite helpful.
In 2002 it was Brokenness...and I wound up in the hospital fighting for my life.
In 2003 it was Boldness and rebuilding in His image.
In 2004 it was Forgiveness. Mostly forgiving myself.
In 2005 it was Friendships.
In 2006 it was Get Ready.
Now I feel that 2007 is the year for Change in my life.
As I meditate on the theme "change" a well-known prayer comes to mind:
grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference.
When I was about 8 years old, I accepted Christ into my life. Around the same time, my mom got a thermometer in the mail from her insurance agent. The thermometer had this prayer on the reverse side and I asked if I could keep it.
Along with God's merciful grace, the Serenity Prayer became the guidance I never received from my parents. I became a child who analyzed every minute situation..."Can I accept what is happening with peace in my heart?" "can I change what is happening?" "Do I know if I can change anything in this instance?" "How would I do this differently if I was a parent?"
These were questions I would constantly ask myself throughout my growing years. I feel like I raised myself (and I feel I did a damn good job).
2007 is the year for change. A change in where I am going to live, a change in where I'm going to work and a change in how I plan for my future.
Sounds like a lot in one year, but since my former husband left me in 2001 (that's when 9/11 happened and he relapsed into his addictions), I feel like I've been spinning my wheels as I have been gaining my strength and becoming whole again.
Two years ago I met a wonderful man, Capt, his amazing children and his family. I am happier than I've ever been. Many of you have been asking where our relationship is going. I still can't answer that question. Capt and I discuss marriage. We love the time we spend together. I adore his children...he tolerates mine (They're grown). Yet, I trust that we will both make a wise decision in the future. And that's all I can say about that.
2007 is the year the rubber is going to hit the road in my life.
Keep me in your prayers as I will keep you all in mine.
MAY 2007 BE A BLESSED YEAR FOR YOU ALL!!!!!
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Every year I have a theme for the year. They usually are simple themes in theory, but complex in nature.
Sunday, December 24, 2006
Here is a little poem for PookieBear, or "D" as she likes to be called now that she has her own blog. Go check her out at The Life of D.
A is for Adorable
B is for Basketball
C is for Cookies, Chocolate Chip right out of the Oven
D is for D
E is for Exciting
F is for Flexible
G is for Girly Girl
H is for Hungry
I is for Intelligent
J is for Just Like Her Dad
K is for Kit Kat
L is for Lovable
M is for Mashed Potatoes with Gravy from a can only
N is for Never A Pain in the Butt, except for the gravy in the can thing, LOL
O is for Oh My Land, did I say "Butt"?
P is for Popular
Q is for Quiet (when she plays on her travel team)
R is for Real with her feelings
S is for Sister
T is for Teacher
U is for Unconditional (even when you do something wrong, she still likes you)
V is for Very Very Fun to be around
W is for WWF
X is for X-Terra
Y is for Youthful
Z is for Zzzzzzzzzzz
Friday, December 22, 2006
Last night Jen, Mom, Dad and me went to NYC to meet Jen's boyfriend's parents, have dinner together and see the tree. I had a hunch that Mikey was going to "pop the question" to Jen....so did Mom, and so did Jen. But it didn't happen and that's fine.
It was truly a fun night, a fun, late night. We got home at 1:15am and when I woke up at 4:30am the first thing I noticed was a familar minty taste in my mouth, as if I just finished brushing my teeth. Then I realized that, basically, I just had. I don't know how I stayed awake all day but I did. I usually am in bed by 8pm.
Here are some pictures of last night's extravaganza for you.
Me, Jen, Mom and Dad:
Dad, Mom, Mikey's parents, me and Mikey
Jen Mom and me
May you all have a blessed holiday and and prosperous, healthy New Year.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Tomorrow night, my daughter's boyfriend invited me and my parents to take a limo ride into New York City with his parents to look at the Christmas tree and do all sorts of Christmas-y stuff in the city.
About two years ago, he asked permission to marry my daughter. I said, "I would be honored to have you as a son-in-law", or something nerdy to that effect. Then I wrote up a legal contract, in jest, enumerating all the conditions, i.e., a diamond engagement ring valued at a least two months of his salary. IT WAS ONLY A JOKE!!!!, but he framed the Notorized contract and it hangs on the wall of his apartment, or so I'm told.
Well, it just hit me this morning that maybe, just maybe, tomorrow night is the night that he "pops the question" to my daughter. He's all about surprises and that sounds like something he would do.
If so, I'd better bring lots of Kleenex, 'cause I'll be all teary.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
There are things about my job that I cannot share with anyone. Not that it's top secret, but I have a sick job. And anyway, if I talked about some of the things I do at my job, it would curl your hair, or straighten it, or it will fall out, or turn gray, or something drastic involving your hair....of this I am sure. Oh yeah, and there's that tiny confidentiality thing where I can't talk about my cases or the attorneys I work for could serve time in the slammer.
Many times I have to stand back and get a perspective of what I am actually doing for a living.
I became a paralegal because I wanted to use my brain. I wanted to 'assist' because I've always been someone who functions best when assisting rather than taking full charge of something. Also, my practical side decided that since my children's father was constantly dragging me to court I would save on attorney's fees if I became a paralegal; that certainly proved to be correct.
The thing is, I never imagined what it would be like in this position. The things I do are sometimes sneaky, backhanded and coldly calculated. Indeed, most of my job entails doing things that are wonderful and give me a sense of doing something right for the world, like showing parents how to better parent their children by getting over the hate and vengence aimed towards their co-parent. And whipping non-custodial parents into shape for falling behind in their child support....that's always fun.
This career of mine has enabled me to survive in one of the most expensive places in the United States, Long Island, New York while raising three children. And for that I am thankful.
And so, it is time. I must change careers. Being a matrimonial paralegal is sucking the ever-loving life out of me. And I'm finally at a stage in my life where it's about me and what's good for me...not just about survival. Moreover, 'busting up families' is a very strange career....especially for a Christian.
Since this has been weighing heavy on my heart for the past year or more, and even more so these past months, I'm going to start focusing on a new career this year - a really huge New Year's resolution.
And selling my big ole house.
And moving to Connecticut.
And purchasing a small house or condo in Connecticut.
And getting a job in my new career in Connecticut.
Yeah, 2007 is going to be a year of complete change and uprooting for me.
And I'm so excited.....and scared.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Okay already people, here it is in all its glory:
(Mom took the pictures when I was leaving for work this morning, this one is of the inside, she insisted you all see the inside where all the Coach insignias are - but they didn't show up).
And here is the jacket on me (don't look at the messy kitchen, I can't keep up with all the housekeeping with my parents here - for a whole month!)
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Here is a perfect example of how spoiled I truly am:
I’ve been drooling over a jacket I saw at a store last month. It’s not an ordinary jacket, it’s the most perfect jacket in the whole universe. And it’s a Coach. It’s the Bonnie Puffer Jacket for 2006, in black...with the fur collar and toggle clasps, all quilted and downy and such. A piece of fine art I tell you.
So for my birthday, after much not so subtle hint dropping, my wonderful family got together and pooled their hard earned cash to purchase the work of art jacket for my spoiled self. Except, the Coach store didn’t have it in stock anymore. Instead they gave me a hefty gift certificate from Coach so I can purchase it myself.
No problem; like I said, I’ve been drooling over the jacket all month, pulling up the picture on my computer at work and my laptop at home 200 times a day, imagining its warmth hugging my body.
So this morning, as soon as I got to work I went to look at it again and purchase it through Coach dot com. But it wasn’t there anymore. So I called the Coach company. They told me that they sold them all....except two...all over the world there are only two left! I didn’t bring the gift certificate to work with me so I couldn’t order it then.
Unless I go home during lunch and get my gift certificate and order it lickity-split, my dream jacket is just that....a dream. I’m not very optimistic about this. It was a nice fantasy though.
For the past four years a dear friend (who had gained some substantial weight) graciously lent me her blush white fox full length fur. She was able to fit back into her fur this year so I gave it back to her.....or she might have had to pry it out of my steel grip...either way, I don’t possess it anymore. The fur was warm and elegant and it made me feel beautiful and touchable during a time when my world was crashing down around me. Anyway you’d be surprised how elegant you can feel going food shopping in sweats and sneakers donning a full length fur. I might have slept on top of it a few times too, might have.
So maybe I did put too much importance on getting the 2006 Bonnie Puffer Jacket due to the fur's absence. But I can’t help but feel like having myself a good cry.....like a good spoiled brat should.
*****UPDATE!!!!! My daughter called, she found one by calling all over, in a Coach store, in my size. They were graceous enough to hold it aside until tonight when we go pick it up. It's quite a distance, but do-able. Do I have a great daughter or what?
Capt got me the cookware I've been eyeing, Rachael Ray's new orange set. They are so beautiful! I already used the skillet a few times and what a difference! I love these pots and pans! He also sent me 2 dozen red roses, cause he loves me.
My boys got me an electronic picture frame which shows hundreds of pictures on a screen and it is an MP3 player too. Love it!
My parents got me a pair of black cowboy boots. They are really nice boots that have to get broken in.
My office sent me a bouquet of edible fruit....yummy.
I got lots of calls, text messages and e-mails too.
Thanks everyone for making my birthday special, I love you all.
Monday, December 11, 2006
Today’s my birthday, my birthday, my birthday. Me and my kids just always say it like that.
Thanks for all your good wishes, e-mails and comments. And yes, I really am only 35.....plus some....and some more...and maybe a little tad more than that. But I feel like I’m 35. I’ll post tomorrow about all the great gifts I got. But I think I already got my best gift today. I got a call from a new friend, we went to his house for Thanksgiving. They met my two boys for the first time. They met my daughter last summer. Jack called me and told me that my children were remarkable, successful and so personable. He also told me that it is a reflection on the parent I was to them. I’ve never truly stood back and looked at them from another’s perspective before. Hearing that was a wonderful gift that I am always going to treasure.
Oh and here’s a cute something that Capt’s son said yesterday while driving me and PookieBear back from the ballet:
Boy: looking out the rear window of the car at the sunset with long streaks of jet smoke trailing into the horizon, “Dad, is that a comet in the sky?”
Capt: “No son”
Boy: “Oh, good, I was worried there for a minute.”
I just love that kid!
The Nutcracker was magical. I had a great time with PookieBear. It was such a “girly, girl” thing to do and I loved having her to see it with. We made a gingerbread house before we left, something I’ve always wanted to do but never did. It was fun. I bet by now it’s all to pieces and devoured......Kids, don’t you just love them?
Sunday, December 10, 2006
I really appreciate the "flack" I've been getting for not posting in awhile, thank you all, it makes me feel soooooo loved.
The reasons are many, and I'm in Connecticut today for a day of fun and getting away from the madness at home, so I'll just post the most important:
My 24 year old son, Tom, who is 6'3" (when he doesn't slouch - I'm such a Jewish Mother) and is very thin to begin with, became one of those unfortunate people who ate at Taco Bell last week and suffered through the horrific e-coli contamination. I had to get Tom to the hospital at one point to get him re-hydrated. They gave him some morphine for the pain too. It was scary. Even when your children are as old as mine are, you still have those same "mommy" feelings as if they are still your babies. Now that it is over (as of yesterday morning) he is so thin that he looks like he was in a prison camp, or worse. Anyone with any ideas on how to fatten him up quick? He did eat a bagel with eggs, cheese and bacon yesterday....about 1200 calories.
My parents are up from South Carolina for the month. They have been a great help with all the craziness going around. I am showing Dad how the South Beach Diet works and making him the meals since he is at the most he's ever weighed and his heart doctor wants him to lose some.
My 26 year old son had one of his plays produced in White Plains, called "Stress Fracture". He worked hard on the play and it showed. I don't think I've ever been more proud of him.
I am putting my house on the market again in January. This time I am fixing everything that needs to get fixed. Since the market is flooded, no buyer wants to purchase a house that needs work. So had the upstairs bathroom remodeled (I did a lot of the work myself and saved tons of money, and babysat/house sat until yesterday in exchange....that was time consuming)
And Christmas time is here and I'm not prepared. I put the tree up yesterday while my daughter and Dad painted one of the bedrooms. Mom and I went shopping at 7am and got some stuff done. While there I bought myself a new handbag for my BIRTHDAY TOMORROW!!!! I will be 35 again, that's what I'm sayin' if asked.
That's pretty much what's been going on in my life since Thanksgiving.
Life gets busy at times for us all, priorities shift, we bend, adjust, adapt, all in all its all good.
Now, I've got to start getting ready for church and then......THE NUTCRACKER SUITE with PookieBear.
Have a great Sunday!